My Heart

Found 

As a woman gets older she’s confronted with some complexities that aren’t always easy to navigate. One of the most popularly experienced is that of Romance & Marriage. It’s the central theme of many blockbuster hits and catalogues of music. It is the filler of countless best-selling self-help books and social media memes. It is the reason many avoid occasions like family gatherings and class reunions. It often plagues a woman, terrorising her thoughts and perception of self.

Delicately hidden in the folds of fear and pride is the question of “When?”

When will she? When will he? When will they?

Why?

Why isn’t she?

What?

What’s wrong with she?

Could it be…that…?

I’ve been navigating those waters for some time now, and recently these words came to me describing what I think some of my single sisters feel. In the midst of this I encourage us “singles” to not be consumed by the why to the point of driving yourself mad, just work on being your best self in every moment.

***

I dreamt of him, dreamt he carefully unwrapped me with instructions he received from our Creator, filled with excitement that at the core of these layers is the source of divine favor; he could scarcely contain himself. 

Then I woke up, realizing that though she’s been desired there has been none in her adult years who has committed to make her his, none who has decided he wasn’t comfortable with her not bearing the title that shouts to the world that she’s the treasure he’s found. 

She has not been found, he is not looking…he may never look, or rather never look for her. 

So she cries, and retreats even deeper away from the reaches of only God knows who. She cries, as she grabs hold of even more fear, more doubt, more disappointment, and without much care, dumps them  unto the many other layers molded through the years.

She retreats, and she waits…with a glimmering hope that one day He will open the eyes of him who will search until his fingers goes numb and with bated breath, he. will. find. her. at. last!

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