I Thought You Were Single

After commenting on a status by Adrienne Hughes on Facebook where she addressed singles longing to be married I decided to write on this topic. As certain points were brought forward using the Biblical story of Ruth and Boaz I reflected on how selfishness has affected today’s marriages. Let me be quick to say that my  views are just my views, not a general diagnosis of all marriages.

The Two Shall Become One

One Name – I grew up as a child not really knowing maiden names, once a woman was married she assumed her husband’s surname. There was no complaining about the “hassle” of a name change…and that was before electronic forms at your fingertips.

One Pocket… ok, maybe four! LOL! A joint checking and joint saving act where the couple budgets together for their lives together… and then two separate accounts for personal spending…BUT none of the accounts should be hidden/secret.

Dearly Beloved We Are Gathered Here To WITNESS

Unbroken Circle I have been noticing this growing trend to obsess over getting a ring………………and then after a while stop wearing it?!?!!!!!? I don’t get it honestly! Have we forgotten that an engagement ring and wedding band are not necessities but, since we use them, they should hold great significance? This symbol of your LIFELONG commitment isn’t a fashion statement or an accessory for arguments…it is a bonafide symbol of a not-to-be broken love and trust. It is your witness!

Ladies and gentlemen, tradition has become taboo (how did that happen?), but certain institutions should not become extinct. When the Bible states that a man should Leave his parents (personal comforts, safety, security, what he’s used to) and Cleave (become one with, stick to, remain faithful) it meant it wholeheartedly. You cannot stick to someone while being selfish…it won’t work. The Bible cautions us to treat marriages in the way that Christ has treated his bride, the church. How did he do it? By being unselfish in sacrificing His life and dignity to die a criminal’s death. He loved His bride that much that though He is King and Ruler He’s a selfless lover.

So I beg of the few of you who read my thoughts let us not modernize some institutions, such as marriage, that we lose the meaning, responsibilities, joy, and blessings of God on them.

Tek care,



  1. I know you are writing from a Christian perspective so I’ll bear that in mind.

    1. Question: was the name thing mentioned in the Bible? I’ve noticed the trend to do the double barrel thing as well. I don’t even want a double barrel name I just want to keep using my maiden name forever. The two name thing is just too long and I really really like my name (yes, that is the selfishness you speak of coming into play).

    2. Funny you mention, in bold, that none of the accounts should be kept secret. What about an emergency, don’t use it unless you have to account? It’s not something I like the idea of, but there is some practicality in it, don’t you think? I’ve read of a few ladies who had such and it helped them escape abusive, controlling marriages.

    The ring thing is just funny, lol. Perhaps some people just don’t like rings, in which case they could wear it as a pendant on a chain or something. But not wearing it at all doesn’t sit well with me either.

    If the success and health of the union doesn’t start going downhill or take a turn for the worst though, is there anything necessarily “bad” with these new ways of doing things? I see the merit in modernizing some aspects of marriage, but I also agree that there is a lot of good in tradition (symbolism, outcomes etc).

    Nice post that got me thinking about where to draw the lines.


    1. The Bible doesn’t speak about the name change…Matter of fact the name change is more cultural than universal…but the point is about the act that it signifies – becoming one with the man who SHOULD be the head of the family (should being the operative word there). One way I’ve seen some women bend the tradition with the current trend is 1 use their maiden name like a middle name (ex Khloe Kardashian Odom, no hyphen) or 2 pass on her maiden name to her child as a part of their first or middle name.

      The unknown account is not healthy in my opinion for a marriage.mm it reads as mistrust. If the relationship is abusive then a separate secret account may be necessary as with other escape plans, but not from the onset of the union.

      Ring mek fi wear pon finger…LOL


    2. As for modernizing, I am for aspects of it as long as it doesn’t threaten the basic foundation of marriage (Biblical or not). Some marriages these days come across as legal bed mates or tax benefit (in the States) and nothing else.


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